Below is help & advice from our sister charitable organisation Little Baby & Co if you are currently going through miscarriage, please don’t hesitate to make contact, do not suffer in silence!
A Letter To Grieving Parents
A Dignified Goodbye
*Some people opt for the hospital to give baby a cremation service where they will often be with other little babies which can be a comfort to parents knowing they are not alone.
*Should you wish to make your own arrangements, speak with your health professional about the correct paperwork needed as some/most funeral homes will care for and give a burial or cremation to a baby of early gestation and this is often done for free.
It is very common when babies of early gestation are cremated that parents do not get ashes simply because baby is too small so please speak to your professional to manage your expectations.
*If you wish to take baby home for a private burial, we provided specialist coffins & wraps for the earliest of babies.
A private home burial is when an early gestation baby is placed into a sturdy cardboard coffin then buried in a large plant pot with flowers planted on top taking the place of a grave stone.
A cardboard coffin allows baby to be given back to Earth and help the plant life surrounding their grave to flourish which is such a lasting beautiful gesture.
We supply wooden coffins at a subsidised cost should you prefer this.
Wooden coffins are £15 and will come with a care package as listed above.
*The first and the most poignant thing you can do is name your baby, even just a nickname, many find this incredibly healing, if you have not yet chosen a name, you may like to refer to you baby as your own surname, for example if your name is Anna Jones then your baby would be Baby Jones.
Some may get the sense that their baby was either a boy or a girl and refer to baby as him or her, this is very normal, but also lots of others choose not to make assumptions of gender and this is also normal.
*It is okay to see your baby, if you are in hospital please tell the person who is caring for you and make your wishes clear.
Take a photograph, many families regret not taking one, if you feel you can’t and you are in a hospital do ask a nurse to do it and keep it on file until/if and when you are ready to look.
You may want to take photos of parents/family members holding baby, and take a close up of their sweet face, hands and feet especially the tiny toes and features of babies under 10 weeks gestation!
*You can choose to have a pair of bonding bears where yourself and baby have a bear each, when it is time to lay baby to rest you can swap them and each have something that has been close to each other.
*You could wash your baby’s wrap, some people feel like they have been able to do little things for their baby, and take note of the washing powder you used, it can be a smell you can either come back to or avoid when needed, the same with certain perfumes & aftershaves, select one that you will wear to the funeral and again you can either remember or avoid this scent.
*Take notes about the day, the weather, sights & smells you experience, buy a newspaper for the day your baby was born and tuck it away in a special place.
*You may wish to dress/wrap your baby, take measurements and footprints if baby is big enough.
*Hold and kiss your baby, it is a perfectly normal to do so, tell them you love them, shower them in your love!
Some parents of course don’t get to see their baby for many reasons with the most common reason being that baby passed whilst using the toilet, these precious mermaid babies are now with the water elements and frolic with many other mermaid babies. Some parents may be at peace with this but many will be feeling a void, but there are still many things you can do to say goodbye!
Acknowledging Your Baby
*Light a candle
*Plant a flower, especially something like lavender that will attract fluffy honey bees & beautiful butterflies to your garden.
*Release an eco friendly balloon.
*Write a letter to your baby(you could also photocopy a scan picture if you were given one), burn it and collect the ash in a little glass jar, some may scatter this ash, keep it or bury it.
*Bury a trinket in a memorable place such as a little baby hat, special candle or even the pregnancy test you may still have.
*Name a star after your baby.
*Release a butterfly
*Sprinkle flower petals into a river.
*Go to the beach and write your baby’s name in the sand.
*Paint a rock for people to find and re hide.
*Do a Random Act Of Kindness/RAOK in their memory such as leave a small gift in town for someone to find.
*Organise a dove release
*Plant a tree
Emergency Information If You Have Given Birth At Home
We supply specialised dignity care packages for babies lost to miscarriage, this typically includes a wrap or gown, a blanket, two tiny teddies and a poem card.
The care packages are free but we ask that you pay your postage & packaging costs for 1st class signed for UK delivery of £6.
The interim period between contacting us for dignity wraps and coffins is often such a worry when you don’t know what to do with your baby.
We suggest a few ways in which to do this that will sound perhaps a little difficult on your heart, but in the short term will help care for your baby and keep them in the best condition ahead of home burial.
You may have already laid Baby onto something like a face cloth or similar sized blanket which is fine, but you may wish to cut a 3 inch x 3 inch square of plain clear plastic from a carrier bag(or you can use grease proof paper) to lay them on as a barrier between their delicate skin and the fabric, we know this is not appealing but perhaps you may like to cut a heart shape instead and baby will be “wrapped in your love”.
If baby has stuck to whatever they are laying on you can dampen it by putting water on or water from a spray bottle on Baby to gently lubricate in order to transfer them.
We know how shaken or frightened you may feel when making the transfer so we suggest using a spoon to aid you in scooping Baby up gently head end first, then laying Baby onto your plastic heart feet downwards first.
You can then place Baby into a Tupperware box with a lid and putting Baby inside your fridge….we know this is a difficult thought, and no one likes to do this, but it is far kinder to baby’s delicate skin and gives you more time with them.
Another popular method families like to use is to place Baby inside a lidded Tupperware box and fill with saline solution, just enough to cover them.
When Baby is in the solution put the box in the fridge during the waiting period for the coffin to arrive.
We know this sounds a little unusual but the saline creates a blissful environment that mimics the gentleness of their Mothers womb where Baby can safely float inside.
A fantastic bonus of this is it gives parent a chance to observe the beauty of Baby in more detail as the fluid will naturally magnify and clarify their tiny features enabling you to take clear beautiful photographs.
This method will keep Baby plump and hydrated and how you remember Baby.
Saline solution also buys you more time to make arrangements for Baby.
Your local pharmacy will stock saline, you can use contact lens solution or the recipe for emergency saline is as follows:
When your Little Baby & Co items arrive you will use the first few steps to transfer Baby head first onto a spoon and you can gently guide those tiny feet into the wrap.
We hope that these tips for handling Baby will help you in your time of need.
*APPLICATION FOR ASSISTANCE AND REQUESTING ITEMS*
For Babies In Hospital Care
If your baby is in the mortuary or has been sent away for tests we will require documentation to show your need for our items and a photograph if you were able to take one.
For Babies In Home Care
We will require you to take a new up to date photograph of your baby to and send it to us(we will advise you how to photograph them in order for it to help us) and ask you a variety of questions in order to figure out the appropriate items to send you, they may seem strange however this help us select the correct materials, items and fabrics for your care package.
On occasion we may ask you to provide a phone number where we will call you which will speed up your request.
We will not confirm that we will send items until we have seen a photograph as we do not like to promise something that may not be suitable to avoid disappointment.
There are no exceptions to these requests.
Your information and images are strictly confidential and not shared with ANY outside organisations.
Once we confirm which help we can provide we will ask you to pay for your P&P costs of £6 either through PayPal or bank transfer.
We know that keepsakes and mementos on milestone anniversaries or birthdays are very important to grieving parents we will endeavor to cater to ANY request we receive as long as it is within our power as a charitable organisation.
We understand the need a parent has to own a gown that was the size of your baby or no matter how long ago your loss happened, we understand sometimes you need a little teddy to hold and we understand that sometimes you think of your baby on an approaching anniversary and would like a memory box addition, we can do that too…..we have separate stock for that purpose!
We just ask people to be honest with us.
PLEASE DO NOT MISLEAD US AND REQUEST CARE PACKAGES AS KEEPSAKES WE TAKE FRAUDULENT REQUESTS VERY SERIOUSLY.
We may ask the following questions:
Baby’s gestational age:
How did your loss happen:
Is Baby measuring bigger/smaller than gestational age:
Has Baby been born or due to be born:
Was Baby born at home or hospital:
If Baby was born at hospital, when are you due to bring little one home:
Are you planning a home burial for Baby, if so what date?
Are you planning a funeral/cremation for Baby, if so what date?
We will also ask for:
Photograph of Baby
So we know you have read all this very important information we are giving you the keyword to quote during your request, the keyword is “Flower”
We know the keyword may seem somewhat random but we want you to have all the information and options you will need!
Once you have read all information above please speak to one of the Little Baby & Co team members via Facebook page message box and quote the keyword from above so we can get your request underway, you can find our Facebook page by clicking here.
PayPal details are:
Bank transfer details are:
Little Baby And Co
Account Number: 43288439
Sort Code: 20 62 69